What’s wrong with familiarity? Being able to know all the ins and outs of a person, all the best and worst parts about them and after all that still loving them all the same, isn’t that what it’s all about? Movies, tv shows, and music all commercialize love into this “one-size-fits-all” thing that makes it seem that all love is about is that initial feeling of butterflies and endless excitement, but love is so much more than that. Relationships and marriages fail because people chase this fleeting idea of love. Love is that cutesy stuff sure, but more than anything it’s work. Love happens the moment you stop thinking of just yourself and realize that your happiness should really come from giving to the other. Selflessness, that’s real romance.
As I’m sure many of you have already realized, life rarely goes according to the grand plan we’ve laid out, so you want the person that’s going to be there, like really be there, for the times when everything goes to shit. It’s easy to love someone when things are good, because you’re not being tested, it’s being able to love someone even when they’re at their absolute worst that separates what love is portrayed as versus what love really is.
I feel like the older we get, the more we try and please others. Why? Because we don’t want to disappoint. We don’t want to disappoint our friends, our family, our co-workers, our bosses but you can’t win over every one, so there’s no real point in killing yourself trying to get that 1 or two extra people to like you. The fact of the matter is, all the people that really matter aren’t subscribed to your friendship based on the number of good deeds you do for them, they’re around because they want to be. Do things that will better you, because assuming you’re not some horrible person, who you are is already enough. Kindness and generosity don’t need an audience, be kind because it’s who you are. Focus less on bringing people in, and put more onus in taking care of those whom you already have.
I’ve never been one to blame others for the things that happen to me. In my eyes the things that happen to me, aside from divine intervention, are the product of my actions. It’s because of that mentality that I always feel like that everything is on me. In relationships, when things aren’t going “perfectly” all I can think about is what I could’ve done better, never does it occur to me that maybe, just maybe the lack of success is due to the other person. I put so much pressure on myself to make everything perfect that I never stop to think that maybe things fall apart for reasons other than my own oversights.
You let things happen that shouldn’t have, yet I feel like I’m the one that screwed up. You walk in and out of my life only because you love the attention and care I give you, and you do so without any regard of what you may be doing to me. I never have the heart to turn you away, because no matter what, I still care about you. But nights like these as I lay in bed alone while you’re off back in your “normal” life, I get so pissed thinking how you can just stir things up in my life and walk away completely unscathed. I equally wait and dread the day you won’t mean anything to me anymore.
I think being alone is the only way you can ever really know yourself. When you’re constantly in a relationship how can you ever really know if your likes or dislikes are really yours? I mean whether you think it or not, you shape your preferences around the person you’re with, and there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s what you’re “supposed” to do. You watch sports and pretend to cheer for a team you didn’t even know existed a couple months ago, you sit through episodes of Glee and pretend you don’t want to rip your ears off, and after long enough you start to believe that you really do love basketball and that you have this newfound appreciation for show tunes. This isn’t to say that you won’t genuinely start liking these things, but again how do you know unless you were left to your own devices? Essentially what I’m trying to get at is that I feel like sometimes people get into relationships because they don’t know who they are themselves, and so they find someone to project onto them who they “are” and well, that shit is backwards.
Find yourself first, define what you are and what you’re not, so then when you finally do find someone you’ll be whole instead of trying to be someone’s “other half”.
Shit, but what do I know. I’m typing this up as I sit in on a Friday night with my dog on my lap.
“Everything good needs time. Don’t do work in a hurry. Go into details; it pays in every way. Time means power for your work. Mediocrity is always in a rush; but whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing with consideration. For genius is nothing more nor less than doing well what anyone can do badly.”—9 Rules for Success by Amelia Barr (via aeroplanos)